The Psychology of Stress a la Time Therapy

On the surface there are so many different reasons for stress:

Lack of structure, taking too much on board, conflict, confusion, lack of confidence, problems in communication, relationships, self criticism, feeling lack of control, grief, lack of money, lack of work....All these external factors however essentially trigger the same feeling in us and that feeling is - FEAR! .(False-Evidence-Appearing-Real). 

In Essence we stress out for these reasons:

• We perceive that we cannot handle something = Fear
• We perceive something as painful, difficult or dangerous = Fear

Stress in it's nature is the response to concepts of our mind. It is based on our Perception. This is why people's stress responds to the same event can vary greatly from person to person.

How can we become more Stress Free? The key to becoming more STRESS FREE is to find the true source.

And at a first glance we see that the source is FEAR.

And our reaction to fear for thousands of years has been: to Fight or to flight (Aggression or Withdraw).  If you look even further then you will see that the root of Psychological fear is always related to a feeling of disconnect, of not being able to relate to what is happening.

Look at the process of when you are stressed.

Lets say you are at work and you are stressed because you do not agree with the way your boss is handling a certain issue. You disagree. 

How do you feel towards your boss at that moment?

You cannot relate to what he is doing, how he is behaving.

You are against him, you feel separate from him. If you can look beyond the anger then you will see that, deep down, you are simply sad that you cannot relate to him and his actions, that you are unable to connect.

You will see the same pattern when you look at issues in other relationships, including the relationship you have to yourself or life.

Suppose things don’t work the way you want in life. You do not have enough work. You do not have a loving relationship. How do you feel?

You may feel angry or afraid, but deep down you feel SAD. 

You feel sad that life is treating you this way. You feel sad that things are not working out.

Now if this turns into self -pity then you have Depression.

Remember Stress is based on your Perception of something to be dangerous, painful or difficult. This Perception generates Fear. Reacting to the Fear leads to Aggression or the urge to Withdraw. On the other hand STAYING with the Fear by observing it without reacting to it will help you to become aware of the underlying Sadness. The Sadness of not being able to relate/connect. And this is the first step to Compassion.

Aggression – Fear – Sadness - Compassion (=Love)
 In Time Therapy we call it the ‘Feeling Chain’

Once you understand the process of the Feeling Chain and that this process is the same in every person regardless of background, education, or culture, then you are able to address the issue of stress with a new mindset.

Understanding the process of the Feeling Chain can set you FREE!

It’s like learning a new language. You need to learn about the structure, the grammar to truly understand and use it effectively. Just learning the words won’t do it – you need both. The same with Stress; You need to understand the structure, the root. Aggression –Fear – Sadness - Love.

Sounds strange? Just observe it in yourself and you will see the Chain at work.